The Selfishness of Good Intentions

As someone who prides himself on a generous spirit and willingness to go the extra mile for the people in my life, I've learned a hard truth that may at first come across as contradictory with. Two days ago, I lost a sale in my coaching business, and upon reflection, re-reading the transcript, and watching the recorded clips, it illuminated for me how my generosity - though well-intentioned - was not only detrimental to my business but, paradoxically, also to the very people I intended to serve.

In my earnest attempt to support a potential client, I made the mistake of being overly generous with my time and my value proposition. In the excitement of the moment and attempting to help someone too early, I over-delivered on “free” content and mentorship. However, this approach backfired. By over-delivering value before a commitment, I inadvertently devalued my services.

In psychology, there is a concept known as the 'Perceived Value Principle'. Simply put, it means that people don't see value in things that are free or too easily obtained. Unfortunately, in my keenness to help, I fell into the trap of giving away too much, diluting the perceived value of my services, and consequently, losing the sale. I discussed this concept in an earlier newsletter which just goes to prove that knowledge is worthless without consistent application.

Not only did this incident have financial implications for my business, my family, and my shareholders, but it also led me to a sobering realization: my generosity was actually a disservice to the person who did not end up making the purchase. As someone whose mission is to guide individuals to their true purpose and unlock their peak performance, I deprived this person of a valuable opportunity by mistakenly setting the wrong precedent.

This seemingly generous act was actually not generous at all. It was an eye-opener to see how one's well-intentioned actions could, in fact, lead to counterproductive outcomes. While my intentions were in the right place, the way I let myself stray from the sales process I have invested in was an unknowing act of selfishness. Instead of facilitating a path of future growth, I hindered both parties; instead of leading, I let myself become misdirected and strayed from my own process and advice.

I share this story not to self-pity or self-punish, but in hopes that my experience might resonate with others in a similar situation. The core of what we do as coaches, mentors, and entrepreneurs is to provide value, and to do that effectively, we must be careful not to underestimate the worth of what we provide.

Going forward, I'm reminded of the importance of striking a balance: be generous, but also mindful of the value I provide. I'm renewing my commitment to helping people find their purpose and perform at their peak, without undermining the value of my services and the integrity of my mission.

In the paradoxical balance of life, my generosity was not generous - it was selfish. It's a sobering thought that I wanted to share, as I know that many of us are walking this tightrope between giving, receiving, and respecting the value we bring to the world.

In the spirit of continuous learning, growth, and self-awareness, it’s important to reflect on how our actions - as well-intentioned as they may be - can sometimes produce unintended consequences. Even though I experienced a failure, it is possible and constructive to use failure as an instructor, which teaches us how we can learn, adapt, and ultimately grow from these experiences. Lastly, never let failing make you fearful. Failure is inevitable, and it is something we do – it is not who we are.